Halloween Lies

Dear Miya,

I read an article one day that stated that lying indicates intelligence in young children.  I hope this is true.  You can't read and you don't have a cell phone.  Seems highly unlikely that Daddy texted you to say that he doesn't like trick or treating and that we should go ahead without him.

Love,
Mommy

Poor Barbie

Dear Rhys,

Barbies are not designed to be convenient, on the go versions of Mommies.  No matter how hard you try, your efforts will be fruitless.  Her boobs are missing some key parts necessary for breast feeding.

Love,
Mommy

Busted after trying to get a drink from Barbie 

Kitchen Helper

Dear Miya,

You are a great sous chef and thanks to Grandma and Papa you even have your own kitchen tools.  That being said, although it is functional and conveniently placed, your bum crack is not a whisk holster.

Love,
Mommy

Public Declarations

Dear Miya,

Although you were correct, there are certain facts that a person should not broadcast.  Furthermore, when I shush you, it means that you should immediately stop talking and the reason why will be discussed at an appropriate time.  It does not mean loudly and repeatedly ask, "why can't I say that?  That man does have crazy eyes."

Love,
Mommy

Key to Success

Dear Miya,

I am very impressed with your artistry.  However, sometimes your drawings don't turn out quite as planned.  Thank you for recognizing, without my input, that your "dolphin" looks more like Mike Wazowski, your "Daddy" looks more like a jelly fish and that your "My Little Pony" resembles a carrot.  Your ability to objectively assess and learn from your limitations will aid you in becoming a successful adult.  Perhaps, a rich, successful adult who lavishes her parents with gifts and trips.  No pressure, just putting it out there.

Love,
Mommy

"My Little Pony" aka "The Carrot"

Genetics

Dear Rhys,

You better hope that you take after your dad's side of the family in regards to facial hair.  If not, then your current soother will be your only experience sporting a mustache this glorious (see below).  Enjoy it while you can, just in case.

Love,
Mommy

Nap Time

Dear Landscapers,

Thank you for keeping the grounds of our housing complex so well maintained.  That being said, if you continue to wake Rhys up from his nap with your incessant weed whacking, I will weed whack you.  You are likely thinking this is a crazy, idle threat.  It likely is, but do you really want to take your chances with a sleep deprived mother of two?  I didn't think so.  Your cooperation in this matter is appreciated.

Sincerely,
Miya and Rhys' Mommy

Poor Rhys finally getting a much needed rest.

Milk Can't Talk?

Dear Miya,

The other night I was privileged to sit in on this conversation:

You:  "I'm finished my dinner.  May I be excused from the table?"
Daddy:  "Yes, you may."
Daddy:  "Wait, what about your milk?"
You paused and contemplated this question.
You:  "Daddy, my milk can't talk."

Thank you for educating your dad on the glass of milk's limitations.

Love,
Mommy

Taking the Stairs

Dear Rhys,

For the first three months of your life, calming you before bed merely required a gentle swaying motion.  Now, calming you requires several trips up and down the stairs.  As you can imagine, this is the last thing I want to do at the end of the day.  I have come up with a couple theories as to why you are doing this to me.

1. In an attempt to dislodge you as your due date was neared and then was passed, and then was way passed, I completed numerous laps of the stairs.  Considering how late you arrived, I think it's a fair assumption that you enjoyed my stair travels.  If this is the case, then I am solely to blame and must endure my punishment.
2. The booking of our upcoming trip to Hawaii coincided with your change in behaviour. I suspect that you are making me walk the stairs in preparation for the inevitable swimsuit wearing on this trip.  If this is the case, then you should really consider a future career as a personal trainer or drill sergeant.  You've really mastered screaming in my ear until I get it right.

Love,
Mommy

Rhys the trainer limbering up!