Knife Skills

Dear Miya,

After your latest escapade, I fully expect to never bear witness to you eating with your hands ever again.  Your claim that you don't know how to use cutlery has lost its credibility.  Last night, unassisted, you deftly maneuvered a plastic knife for the purpose of opening the lock on the bathroom door in a desperate attempt to prevent me from having a solo shower.  Doesn't sound like the actions of a person who doesn't know how to use cutlery, does it?

Love,
Mommy

Post-shower Miya posing with her knife after she reenacted her lock picking caper for Ryan

A Chat with Grandma

Dear Miya,

Yesterday this exchange was overheard:

Grandma: "Your Grandpa is a silly guy."
Miya: "No, he's South African"

Let's just say that you are both correct.

Love,
Mommy

Miya with her silly, South African Grandpa in May 2013

Santa isn't coming!!!

Dear Miya,

Thank you for informing everyone about the sick reindeer.  I'm positive that everyone would rather know now that Santa isn't coming, as opposed to waking up tomorrow to discover that he hadn't visited.  However, I must question your source for this information.   According to you, the reindeer ate cotton balls with Will Ferrell in the movie "Elf".  This allegedly hurt their necks and made them too sick to fly further than Europe.  Before we incite any more fear that Santa is not coming, I think it is necessary that we rewatch the movie to confirm whether your version of events is correct.

Love,
Mommy

Teething

Dear Rhys,

Congratulations on the emergence of your first two teeth.  Please bear in mind that the number of times you bite me is inversely proportional to the length of time that I am willing to breast feed.  Simply put, keep biting me and weaning will be upon us really soon.

Love,
Mommy

Birthing Babies

Dear Miya,

You were correct when you said that Rhys came out of my tummy.  However, please know that Mommy worked very hard to make that happen.  I will spare you the details for now, but let's just say that despite what you believe, he didn't just fall out.

Love,
Mommy

It's already been 7 months since this little guy "fell out".

The Snowsuit

Dear Rhys,

Your passionate belief that every single item in the grocery store must be touched by you is really making my life difficult.  As you may have noticed, I've come up with a solution in the form of a one-piece snowsuit.  To the untrained eye it looks like I'm bundling you up in your snowsuit to keep you warm and cozy for the wintery walk to the store.  In fact, I am just using the snowsuit for its gentle, yet effective ability to render you motionless.  For my sake, please cease your grocery store hijinx as soon as possible.  That snowsuit is going to make me look bad come summer.

Love,
Mommy

Truth in Advertising

Dear Miya,

Thank you for your concern over what you perceived as an error on my part.  However, advertising is often misleading.  Despite what the commercial shows, I can assure you that Always Infinity pads are not intended to be worn on your hand.

Love,
Mommy

The Prickles

Dear Miya,

Had I been aware of the angry, disappointment fueled lecture that awaited me, I would have never removed "the prickles".  I didn't realize you had such a fondness for them.  In future, I promise to consult you before shaving my legs.

Love,
Mommy

Miya's Letter to Santa 2013

Dear Santa,

Please come to my party and walk in the snow with me.  I want to get strawberries at the strawberry park together.  I lost my favourite Tinkerbell friend.  Her name is Periwinkle.  I need a new one so they both can fly together.  Please, Santa, can you please get me presents and see my tree with candy canes and jingles on it?  Rhysie is a bad boy from pulling out Daddy's speaker.  But, please bring Rhysie a doll with soft things on top...that walks.  I will leave a carrot for the reindeer and a candy cane and sweet milk for you.  I don't like sweet milk, but you do.  Please Santa see my jingles alone with lights and a star.  Santa, do you know what? I'm going to Castlegar to give you an elf hat.  Santa, do you like my show about cakes?  Because I like it.  Do you want to watch my cake show and Diego with me?  My daddy wants a doll and my mommy wants a yellow basket like me.  Santa, sorry for being.....naughty.  Please still get me presents and for Rhysie, too.  Please, Santa, can you take Mommy and me and Daddy and Rhys on your sleigh with reindeers back to Hawaii so we can swim and make sandcastles and play some games to find some seashells?  I think this is a nice message.

Love,
Miya