Baby Smell

Dear Miya,

You will discover when the baby arrives that newborn babies have a distinct, pleasant smell*.  Likewise, bacon has a distinct, pleasant smell.  However, these smells are very different.  Equipped with this information, it should no longer be necessary for you to sniff my tummy to see if the baby is the source of the bacon smell.

Love,
Mommy

* Clean ones do, at least.

Bedtime

Dear Miya,

Despite what the baby allegedly told you, when Mommy says it's bedtime, then it is bedtime!  Mommy makes the rules.  Your unborn sibling as interpreted by you does not.

Love,
Mommy

Feeding the Baby

Dear Miya,

The baby can't eat the raspberry, no matter how wide you hold its "mouth"* open.  It was very kind of you to share, though.

Love,
Mommy

*formerly known as my belly button

The Baby Did It!

Dear Miya,

At some point or another, we have all framed a sibling for our own misdeed.  Today when I asked you who coloured in the book, you said the baby did it and proceeded to scold the baby.  I didn't buy it for a second.  In future, to maximize the effectiveness of framing a sibling, you should probably wait until the sibling has been born.

Love,
Mommy

Usher Lyrics

Dear Miya,

When Usher sings the line "if you wanna scream", he is not offering you ice cream.  I apologize for the confusion, but you are stuck with the oatmeal that I made you for breakfast.

Love,
Mommy

Tummy Time

Dear Miya,

I must deny your request to get into my tummy with the baby.  My tummy is currently at capacity.  Please check back in a few weeks.

Love,
Mommy

Tripping

Dear Miya,

Thank you for guiding me up the stairs to keep me from tripping like Daddy did.  That was very considerate of you.  With that being said, I'm not sure that it was necessary to point out that if I tripped like Daddy did, I would "roll down the stairs like a ball" in my current state.

Love,
Mommy

False Alarm

Dear Miya,

Judging by the look you gave us, you think Mommy and Daddy are crazy and that we overreacted to the situation.  I respectfully disagree.  When you say, "I peed" while we are driving, without specifying when, it is perfectly logical for us to panic and assume the peeing incident has just occurred.  Thank you for clarifying, after the fact, that you meant you had peed much earlier in the day...on the potty...at daycare.

Love,
Mommy

Cheese does not equal paint

Dear Miya,

Considering the fact that you smiled and said, "I'm so in trouble" as I retrieved you from your car seat, I suspect you already know the following, previously unstated, rule:

Babybel cheese is never to be used to "paint" anything.  Ever.  This includes books.

Just so that there is no confusion, please note that this rule applies to every kind of cheese known to mankind.  Thank you for your cooperation.

Love,
Mommy

Always listen to your mother!

Dear Miya,

I hope you never forget the lesson you learned today.

Eating an insane amount of lunch for such a tiny person + running and jumping in the store immediately after lunch + ignoring your mom when she tells you to stop running and jumping in the store = throwing up in the grocery store aisle

I'm sorry that had to happen to you, but just remember that you should always listen to your Mommy.

Love,
Mommy

Foul Smells

Dear Miya,

Similar to the discussion we had about how when things go missing it doesn't mean Mommy ate it*, when you smell something foul it doesn't mean Daddy pooped.  As funny as your accusations are, I can promise you that Daddy didn't poop in the car, or on the sidewalk, or at the park.

Love,
Mommy

* with the exception of your missing Easter bunny chocolate lollipop, I did eat that.

New Friends

Dear Miya,

We need to have a talk about your new friends.  I didn't mind when you sat and watched them, or talked to them, or played hide and seek with them.  I did mind, however, when you sat on the floor with strawberries to coax them out of their hiding spots and then attempted to feed them the strawberries.  I know that you feel that they are "very nice and pretty and beautiful", but Mommy and Daddy feel that the giant ants are a nuisance and should be dealt with accordingly.

Love,
Mommy

Kitchen Table Rescue

Dear Miya,

I applaud your attempt to stop Aunty Kelsey from moving her kitchen table from our place to her new place.  With that in mind, I thought I would share with you the reasons I feel you were unsuccessful.

1.  The rules of Dora the Explorer's world do not always apply to our world.  Yelling, "swiper, no swiping" three times does not necessarily stop people from taking things.
2. "Swiper, no swiping" may have been more successful if it had been said at the time the table was taken.  Yelling it in the parking lot of Ikea the next day, as we were on our way to find a new table, was likely too late to be effective.

Love,

Mommy

Carsick

Dear Miya,

When someone is carsick, it means that the motion of the car is making the person feel nauseous.  Therefore, when Mommy says that Daddy's driving is making her carsick, "poor car" may not be the best response.

Love,
Mommy

Colours

Dear Miya,

I know that you were innocently commenting on the colour of clothing the couple in the corner booth were wearing.  Unfortunately, the rest of the people in the restaurant who turned and gave Mommy dirty looks did not.  That is why I must ask you to refrain from yelling, "Look at the black people" in public.

Love,
Mommy

Swiper

Dear Miya,

We let you watch Dora because we thought it was a show that would teach you positive lessons.  For example, how to speak Spanish and how to help others.  Unfortunately, you seem to be more focussed on the lessons Swiper the fox teaches.  Such as, how to sneak around on your tip toes and how to steal things from others.  I apologize now if we have set you up for a life of crime.

Love,
Mommy