Graffiti

Dear Miya,

I have asked you many times without you ever wavering in your response.  However, I feel I must ask one more time as there is overwhelming evidence to the contrary.  Are you sure it wasn't you who drew on the wall?

Love,
Mommy

Vacuuming

Dear Rhys,

At present, it is a hilariously adorable response to being asked what you are doing. This is due to the fact that I know it means you are pretending to vacuum.  In 15 years, the reply "I vucking" will be met with a much less positive reaction.

Love,
Mommy

New Eyes

Dear Rhys,

While I will acknowledge that getting soap in one's eye is a painful experience, I am not going to get you new eyes.  They tend to reserve eye transplants for more serious afflictions.  Despite what you keep insisting, I cannot just buy you some new ones at the store.

Love,
Mommy

Exercise

Dear Miya,

Before you were born, going for a run meant I went outside and ran at a comfortable pace for a length of time determined by me.  My motivation was fitness.  Nearly five years after your arrival, going for a run means running as fast as I can while pushing a double stroller from the park to our house.  My motivation is hearing, "I have to poop AT HOME and I don't think I can hold it."

Love,
Mommy

Jesse Pinkman

Dear Rhys,

Your sister isn't the only child dropping curse words into conversation these days.  The difference is that your crimes are unintentional.  It has been pointed out by a couple of people, one being your sister, that at times you mispronounce the word "boots".  Sometimes, your little toddler mouth produces an [i] sound instead of the [oo] and a [ch] replaces the [ts].  I think you see where I'm going here.  Furthermore, with your second birthday looming on the horizon, you have developed a penchant for tantrums.  Today, you had a tantrum involving boots and have I mentioned that you, currently, pronounce "no" as [yo]? Shrieks of "yoooooooo bitch" rang through the streets.  When you are 19+ watch a show called "Breaking Bad" and the humour in this will reveal itself.

Love,
Mommy

Colourful Language

Dear Miya,

I have complimented you before on your ability to easily incorporate new words into your vocabulary.  Over the last few months there have been numerous examples of this.  Some highlights are:

• Daddy was teasing you about being a baby and you turned around and yelled, "I'm not a baby, damn it!"  While we encourage you to expand your vocabulary.  "Damn it" is not a phrase you should be using.  I will admit that this is likely a phrase you learned from me.  I apologize and promise to be more aware of my word choices in your presence.
• At Christmas, you came in to discover Rhys sleeping and said, "what the hell? He's asleep again?"  Once again, this is not a phrase you need in your repertoire.  Kelsey's boyfriend, Richard, apologizes for using that phrase around you and promises to be more aware of his word choices in your presence.

Who are we kidding?  That phrase is Richard cleaning up his word choices around you.  In future, please don't repeat anything you hear him say.  Those damn, Kiwis.

Love,

Mommy

Watching videos with Aunty Kelsey at Christmastime

Terrible Twos

Dear Terrible Twos,

Welcome to the family.  I am beyond excited that you were able to join us on our weekend in Whistler.  Here are some of the highlights of the excitement you've added to our trip so far.

1. Ketchup and butter for breakfast.  Ketchup equals vegetable and butter equals milk product, right?  I'm choosing to believe this was a balanced meal.
2. Refusal to wear anything other than dress shoes for footwear.  It's important to look dapper at all times.  Splashing in puddles and playing in snow shouldn't be an exception to this rule.  Obviously.
3. Spilling milk on Mommy.  Several times.  From flinging it from a straw and sprinkling little white droplets on my glasses and in my hair to assisting Mommy in dumping an entire glass all over my pants and jacket during dinner.  Sitting in cold, wet, milk soaked pants and sweater must have some benefits, right?  Sort of like a milk bath?  Let's just call it a spa treatment and chalk it up as another terrible two win.

Of course, it goes without saying that you've added a lot of screaming, kicking and "Mommy, yoooooooooo (no in Rhysie language)" to the trip, as well.  I can't wait to see what you have in store for us for the remainder of the weekend.

Love,

A slightly greyer Mommy

Daddy Yawns

Dear Miya,

It was purely accidental that Daddy spit on you mid-yawn and I'm confident that next time he will cover his mouth to avoid any further incidents.  Especially after you dramatically declared, "ugh, now I smell like person soak!"

Love,
Mommy