English Accent

Dear Miya,

I've noticed that you pronounce several words with an English accent lately.  Your dad believes that Peppa Pig is influencing how you speak.  This leads me to believe that your dad thinks I let you watch Peppa Pig videos all day.  You and I both know this is false, so please lose the accent.

Love,
Mommy

Conversation Tips

Dear Rhys,

Congratulations on learning to use your voice for something other than crying or grunting.  The little baby stories you tell are very cute.  That being said, I have a couple tips for you that will really increase the cute factor.

1. Punctuating each "sentence" with the release of gas or projectile spit-up really takes away from the cuteness.  In future, let's just leave that part of the story out.
2. My ability to appreciate cuteness peaks between the hours of 8am and 10 pm.  At 4 am, I really struggle to fully appreciate the story.  

Love,

Mommy

Another New Rule

Dear Miya,

In future, please refrain from having small toys accompany you to the bathroom.  Also, just in case the downstairs bathroom backs up, let's just keep today's events between us.  When I see a zebra hanging out with a number  two, flush is the only option in my eyes.  Thank you for your discretion.

Love,
Mommy

Miya 101

Dear Rhys,

I know Miya keeps sticking her face in your face.  I know that this annoys you.  I know that she persists despite your dad and I telling her to stop.  You are new here, so I'm going to help you out with some advice.  Your sister remembers everything.  Your sister takes after your dad.  Retaliation is fruitless.  They will always get you worse than you got them.  That being said, although I know she deserved it, I would advise against puking on her nose again.

Love,
Mommy

First Crush

Dear Miya,

I know that you have a crush on Richard.  Your need to have your hair done up before he comes over is evidence of the crush.  As your mother, I feel it is my job to intervene before someone gets hurt.  The following are the reasons why I feel that you should not pursue your feelings:

1. The twenty year age difference results in you two being at very different places in your life.  He's at the start of his adult life and you are at the start of your preschool life.  The age difference, also, presents some legal issues.
2. Richard is Aunty Kelsey's boyfriend.  You don't want to mess with her.

Love,

Mommy

Aunty Jay's Graduation

Dear Miya,

I am sorry that we misled you at Aunty Jaymie's commencements.  Your idea that she was going to walk on stage, spin and turn into a princess sounded so exciting.  After hearing your version of events, the fact that she was just going to walk on stage, have her tassle switched from one side to the other, and shake some hands sounded anticlimactic.

Love,
Mommy

Armpit Shampoo

Dear Miya,

Thank you for bringing and telling me to use my armpit shampoo*.  I assume this is your not so subtle way of telling me that I need a shower.

Love,
Mommy

* also known as deodorant

Appropriate Sibling Behaviour

Dear Miya,

The answer is no!  When your boobies grow up, Rhys will not eat from your big boobies.  If he does, then your dad and I took a very wrong turn in raising you two!

Love,
Mommy

It Wasn't Me!

Dear Rhys,

I do not appreciate the accusatory glares and screams being thrown my way.  If you would take a moment to unclench your fists, then you would realize that you are the real culprit.  I know I'm not a perfect parent, but you don't need to set the bar that low.  I'm definitely above pulling a newborn's hair.

Love, 

Mommy

Welcome to the Family!

Dear Rhys,

When we peeked in your car seat on your first day home, you were giving the world the finger.  Your sister did the same thing when we brought her home three years prior.  You two make us so proud.  Welcome to our crazy family, there is no question that you will fit right in.

Love,
Mommy

Rhys, May 2013

Miya, May 2010