Honesty

Dear Miya,

You asked me who Mickey was in relation to Minnie and I told you that Mickey is to Minnie what Daddy is to Mommy.  Your response was, "Daddy is Mickey and Mommy is big Minnie".  Your honest appraisal of situations is often refreshing, but this was not one of those times.

Love,
Mommy

Car Wash

Dear Miya,

I decided to record your reaction because I thought that you would be ecstatic to be on your first car wash adventure.  What I ended up capturing was so much better.  Just so you know, if the soap starts making it inside the car,  getting it in your eyes will be the least of our worries.

Love,
Mommy

Link to video below:

 Carwash Video

Just Joking

Dear Miya,

The ability to say,"just joking" afterwards does not mean you have a free pass to do or say whatever you want.

Love,
Mommy

Parking Lot Safety

Dear Miya,

I am glad that you paid attention to the lecture we gave you on parking lot safety and I appreciate your concern for the well-being of Uncle Brandon and myself.  Unfortunately, I have to decline your request that I hold hands with Uncle Brandon as we cross the parking lot.  After a certain age, it's not socially acceptable to walk around holding hands with your brother.  Especially, when pregnant.  What would the neighbours think?

Love,
Mommy

Accidents

Dear Miya,

Your ability to go from sleeping and snoring to wide awake and telling stories in a split second is truly remarkable.  That being said, I'm not sure that I believe that the little wet spot on the sheets directly under your bum was Daddy having an accident.  I think your credibilty really took a hit when your dad walked in and you promptly pointed to the same wet spot and said, "Mommy peed the bed". 

Love,
Mommy 

Missing Toys, Revisited

Dear Miya,

You misplaced your moo cow phone and your dad misplaced his cell phone.  I did not eat them.  Please stop asking me to open my mouth so that you can check.  No matter what your dad says, my belly contains a baby, not all of your missing toys.

Love,
Mommy

Driving Skills

Dear Miya,

I realize that given my gender and my racial make-up that I fall under the bad driver stereotype.  That being said, it is not necessary to remind me daily not to hit the trees when I drive.  Especially, when the trees in question are 100 yards from the road.

Love,
Mommy

Biggest Loser

Dear Miya,

I am growing you a sibling.  I am not trying to get myself on a future season of "The Biggest Loser".  Please refrain from pointing at contestants and saying, "look it's Mommy's belly".

Love,
Mommy

Missing Toys

Dear Miya,

When your toys go missing the logical conclusion is that they have been misplaced not, "Mommy ate it".

Love,
Mommy

Bathroom Tips

Dear Miya,

Please refrain from loudly saying or discussing the following in public washrooms when others are present:

1. "What's that smell?" Or "Something stinks"
2. "What's that sound?"
3. Describing the actions of the people in adjoining stalls
4. Describing the size, shape, colour or composition of your poop

Love,

Mommy

Goof Ball

Dear Miya,

Although, it was really funny when you immediately dropped to the floor and said "kick me, I'm a ball", I don't mean it literally when I call you a goof ball.

Love,
Mommy

Breakfast

Dear Miya,

It is very cute that you think that clouds and even the oatmeal on your spoon are baby shaped since you watched "Up".  That being said, the oatmeal baby doesn't have the ability to poop in your breakfast rendering it inedible.  Nice try, though.

Love,
Mommy

Mowing the Lawn

Dear Miya,

Sorry, that we couldn't let you drive the riding lawnmower in the store today.  Unfortunately, it is not coin operated, no matter how many times you say, "please put money in it".

Love,
Mommy

Birthdays, revisited

Dear Miya,

You must have inherited your reasoning skills from your dad.  When I see an airplane, the first words out of my mouth are definitely not, "there's an airplane in the sky, it must be my birthday".  While we are on the subject, according to the other parents from daycare, their children are singing "Happy Birthday to Miya" at home.  Your birthday is still two months away.  You get one day a year, not several months.  Stop making the other kids sing to you!

Love,
Mommy

Bath Toys

Dear Miya,

I know my tummy is getting really big.  But, I don't think that warrants you stacking your whale bath toys on my stomach and saying, "look, a whale castle."

Love,
Mommy

Tumbling

Dear Miya,

In my possibly biased opinion, you have two very intelligent parents.  However, sometimes we don't consider the consequences of what we say before we say it.  The other day when we were washer and dryer shopping, your Dad asked if you wanted to climb in a dryer and go for a tumble.  He was joking.  But, judging by the enthusiastic way you tried to climb in every dryer in the store, you thought he was serious.  For future reference, when your sibling arrives, he or she is towel dry only!

Love,
Mommy

Skittles

Dear Miya,

I am writing to inform you that effective immediately, we are cutting down your TV time.  Today, we told you that if you ate more of your dinner, then you could have ice cream.  Your response was, "I don't need to finish dinner, I will taste the rainbow tomorrow."  When you start using TV ad slogans in day to day conversation there is a problem. 

Love,
Mommy

Speeding Tickets

Dear Miya,

Today, on the way to daycare you kept yelling at me to drive faster because an imaginary giant cat was chasing us and trying to eat us.  It was both funny and imaginative.  In 16 years, when you get your inevitable first speeding ticket, do not expect me to believe the "a giant cat was chasing me" excuse.  In case you are wondering, I used the word inevitable because speeding tickets are part of your genetic make-up.  If your future sibling is a boy, we could wallpaper his room blue with your dad's old speeding tickets.

Love,
Mommy

House Rules

Dear Miya,

When you initiate a game of make-believe in which you are the mommy and I am the baby, you do not have the authority to change house rules.  Popsicles are still not allowed before you've had your lunch.  Furthermore, going to the fridge and bringing your dad back a beer will not change the rules either.  Your cunning is admirable, though.

Love,
Mommy

Be careful with your cup!

Dear Miya,

It is very impressive that you are bilingual.  Just be careful when you ask someone for doo doo* in your cup.  You might not get the results you want...in a really really bad way.

Love,
Mommy

* spelled phonetically

Potty Time

Dear Miya,

We are very excited that you are potty trained with time to spare before your sibling  makes his or her appearance.  I just have a couple suggestions:

1. It is not necessary to finish a half roll of toilet paper in one sitting, unless you are prepared to try out your plumbing skills and forego your college fund.  Toilet paper gets expensive when used at that rate.
2. We know that you occasionally require assistance in the bathroom.  However, Daddy's friends do not want to take you to go poop and they definitely do not want to wipe your bum.  

Love,

Mommy

Personalizing Songs

Dear Miya,

It is very sweet when you replace "Toopy & Binoo" with "Mommy & Miya" when you sing the theme song.  Today, when you replaced the word "rain" with "Mommy" in "Rain, rain go away" the same was not true.  It was very clever, though.

Love,

Mommy

Birthdays

Dear Miya,

Yesterday was not your birthday.  Today is not your birthday.  Tomorrow is not your birthday, either.  Judging by the number of times you have declared it your birthday lately, combined with your recent mood swings, you think you are a teenager.  Your birthday is in May and you will be three.  Please make necessary adjustments.

Love,
Mommy

Baby Names

Dear Miya,

I regret to inform you that I simply cannot bring myself to name your future sibling after a cartoon monkey.  However, I do want you to know that I truly appreciate your suggestion.  You suggesting the name George after watching Curious George is much more helpful than your dad suggesting the name Miyagi after watching Karate Kid.

Love,
Mommy

Wedgies

Dear Miya,

The word of the day is wedgie.  An example of how to use it in a sentence is:
"Mommy, I have a wedgie."

This is a more socially acceptable form of your usual phrase:
"Mommy, my  panties are stuck in my lady parts"

Love,
Mommy

S-P-I-P, STOP

Dear Miya,

I am very impressed that you remembered, and were repeating today, what I taught you on the way to daycare yesterday, red sign plus S-T-O-P means STOP.  However, I need to point out two things:

1. On the drive to daycare I am only half paying attention to what you say: a) because it's 8 AM or earlier and, b) because I am trying to concentrate on driving
2. STOP is spelled S-T-O-P, not S-P-I-P

Due to the fact that I was only half paying attention to you talking this morning, I missed the "S-P" and only tuned in at the "I-P, STOP" part.  I hope this explains why I looked a little panic stricken and asked you repeatedly if you peed in the car seat.

Love,
Mommy